Eight months ago, I decided to get back to writing, blogging, whatever this is… things didn’t turn out as planned though. I didn’t write as much as I wanted, but I did start… I’m grateful for that.
At the start of the year I thought I should make a sort of review: what I gained, what I lost, what I wanted and didn’t do, what I realised I want, the achievements, the failures, everything! I thought of writing the new year’s resolutions as I usually did, but I realised it won’t work. It never did… Jotting down a lengthy list of things I’d like to do is an abysmally stupid idea for someone suffering from a mental illness that makes waking up in the morning and drawing that first conscious breath a terrible chore.
So, I decided to take a different route besides writing those resolutions, because let’s be honest, it’s a habit I can’t break! The new method is this: dividing the most important of those resolutions into categories. Those are
- Things I must do without thinking
- Things that I like but have no energy for
- Things that tires me emotionally, yet I know is good for me
- Things that I must cope with, but it puts me under a shit load of emotional strain
Under the first category are basically 3 things: personal hygiene, grad-school, work (in that order)
Under the second category: writing (blogs, reviews, fiction), creative writing courses, immigration process
Under the third category: maintaining contact with friends, trying to find freelance work, therapy
Under fourth category: family and work
So, here’s what I’m hoping things will go: I’ve to work through and around the items under the first category, but the other ones could be limited a little bit more.
First writing: I’ll be maintaining only one blog, this one, and will postpone all the courses I registered in until summer holiday when I have more time.
Second immigration: I’ll continue in the process, but I’ll try to stop over thinking about it
Third contact with friends: I’ll assign two hours daily for this. That way I won’t feel guilty when I ignore messages and calls, and I’ll be available if needed
Fourth stressors: I’ll try not to lose my mind over mundane work stuff, and I’ll avoid my family, because, sadly, trying to discuss things with them leads to nothing but trouble and more problems
Fifth and finally therapy: I’ll go to therapy, twice a month as my psychiatrist suggested
That’s all! It still looks like a lot, and I don’t know how successful I’ll be in doing all that, but I’ll try, because there is no other way…
Dairy of an Egyptian Lesbian Woman 